Neither did I. Until recently.
I have been a bad blogger and I know this. There are many reasons as to why. But the main reason had to do with the THING I nicknamed "SB" in my blog. His nickname falls VERY short in describing exactly who and what he is.
When did his actual whoring around begin? The month we were married
How often did he do it? More times than can be counted.
Did he do it whilst TTC with me? He sure did.
On the same DAYS? Yea, that too.
How did he celebrate the first pregnancy {that was ectopic}? You guessed it!
How did he celebrate the second one {that was triploidy}? Correct again!
How did he "cope" with me doing IVF? Oh, MANY MANY MANY ways!
How did he celebrate the news that the IVF worked? Whores all around!!
What did he do when my water broke and I was in the hospital? YUP, 'cause that's what GOOD men do!
What did he do a mere 5 days before I gave birth to the twins? DING DING DING!
How did he mourn Angel's death? Well, I have heard that sluts can be very comforting.
How did he celebrate Boxer's homecoming, and Christening, etc etc? Gee, let me count the LAYS
How did he enjoy being a father? Enough to double the pace of his whoring around!
What did he do the day after the beam fell on my head, and I sat in my house with a concussion with his mother helping me take care of Boxer? He was lending his "beam" out.
Where did all of our money go? Well, I failed math in school, but even an asshat can figure this one out.
When did he confess? Well, pathological liars who have narcissistic qualities and display signs of being a sociopath don't CONFESS. They get CAUGHT.
Did he do anything else that was horrible? Hell yea. But I won't give away all the fabulous details.
When did I find out? On Boxer and Angel's 17th month birthday.
Did I attempt to give him a chance to redeem himself? For the sake of Boxer, I did.
Did he redeem himself? Did he show remorse? Did he try his hardest to right the wrong? Did he do anything at all to try and make it up to you and Boxer? No, No, No, and a big fat NO
Shall I remain with him? I may be crazy. But I'm not insane.
Am I much more hurt than this blog post is revealing? You bet your ass.
What is next? A new chapter in mine & Boxer's life. Just her and I against the world.
Will I continue to blog here about Boxer? I would love to, if I haven't lost all my readers yet.
Do I now have another blog I shall be starting up? Yes, as soon as things calm down and I have more time.
Have you ever heard of a chic who has had to endure so much insanity in so short of a time? I'm sure you have, but I have not. And I'm hoping that this is the end of all the fucking insanity.
Cheers to the next chapter
Til next time.
41 comments:
my mouth was hanging open the whole time i was reading that!! oh my goodness.
I love reading your blog, your daughter really is the most beautiful little girl!! You two will be just fine after this dies down as it seems you are both very strong fighters.
I wish you the best!!
You have got to be kidding me. I'm so sorry. I wish you and Boxer girl all the best Momma.
I have been there and done that, and I am sooo incredibly
Sorry to you and Boxer. Experienced the infertility, the hospital stays - not to your extent - and wneh my children were 18 months old my Ex was caught cheating. It throws you, it'll be a year this month.
You are strong just like your Boxer and Angel. If you ever want to talk to someone who has been there, done that, please let me know.
Oh God. I am so sorry. You are strong. You will get through this somehow. And it will not always feel as bad as it does today. I just wish this weren't happening to you.
Mo
I am so, so, sorry.
You are such a strong person and an awesome mom. You will get through this and you and Boxer will be so much better off.
What an a-hole.
I can't believe this...so crazy. You must be going out of your mind.
I'm sorry, D. I hope things get much better for you and your baby girl.
Oh my goodness. You have got to be freakin' kidding me. What a bastard! I am SO so sorry. You don't deserve to be treated like that. NO ONE deserves to be treated like that. You will get through this and you are truly better off without this lying, cheating jerk. I love reading your blog and seeing how well your little boxer girl is doing. I hope everything settles down soon and you are able to overcome it all!
So sorry - I hope 2011 brings much better your way.
I'm so sorry... What a SOB!
You are a strong woman and you and your beautiful daughter will get through this hard time.
Wishing you much luck and strength!
Oh no- what a schnook. So sorry!
Dude...
...words fail. You, however, do not. You and Boxer are fighters and fuck anyone who stands in your way.
It's the new year - thank goodness.
Oro
Birch and Maple
I don't have the words...
I'm so sorry.
Holy hell, woman! I am just floored. I am so sorry.
Much love and strength to you and boxer!
Boxer! Sorry for the typo!
I'm SO sorry Donna. FUCKING SHIT HEAD
So sorry. I have followed your blog for a long time. From what I have read over time, you are strong!! Happy to hear that you are starting over with Boxer. You deserve to be happy:)
Sweet jeebus, how awful. Hope this becomes a turning point for you & Boxer and things get much, much better.
Donna, I can't believe he would do something so horribly low and you are right that SB fits him perfectly. In the long run both you and Boxer will be better off without him in your lives. We all love you and no you haven't lost me as a reader....I've been here since way back when I was on FF and I won't be leaving just because you suck at updating. Obviously there have been other issues going on.
We love you and Boxer and we are all here for you to vent about the scum of the earth.
And cause it's funny, my verify word is decapt....as in short for decapitation :)
Oh I'm so, so sorry. Awwwwful. My best friend had a husband who had been unfaithful (once, though) and told her while she was pregnant with their first child, it's an awful thing to go through.
Here's to your new life.
Oh crap, D! I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say. He is a fucking idiot.
I have followed your story and pregnancy since FF. I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way to you Boxer and Angel!
I am so sorry. Asshat indeed! You and Boxer are bound for better things. Someone with your strength has to be!
I am very very sorry about this. You deserve way better.
Oh. My. God.
I am completely and utterly speechless.
I can not imagine how such a complete IDIOT (to put it very, very mildly) exists, and how he could do such UNSPEAKABLE things to you.
My heart breaks for you- you must be beyond hurt, pissed, furious.... I can not even imagine.
I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this.
(((((HUGS))))))
-Kelly
Los Angeles
Oh No. I was so happy to find that you had updated but now I'm just very very sorry. Thank the heavens for Boxer because you have been through way too much.
You didn't provide all the gory details so I would never jump to any conclusions but it does kind of sound like he may have a problem with addiction. I'm hoping that he can't possibly be insensitive enough to do all of that out of sheer ego but perhaps, I know I might be reaching here, as a way to deal with the enormous stress of all that you've been through together. Of course, good old drinking or even gambling would just be that much more acceptable but, if it is really a case of a coping mechanism, then it might just be a little (slightly) less hurtful.
Whatever happens you are one tough chick and I know that you will do whatever you need to do for your little girl. Please don't give up the blogging. These aren't 'traditional' relationships by any means but your readers are very attached to you and Boxer.
Oh wow. I am so sorry to hear that SB really is a SB. 2011 is a New Year and it sounds like you are ready for some great new things and fresh starts to come into your life.
OMG - I am soooo sorry for you and Boxer. You two don't deserve to be treated like that. Huge, huge ((((hugs)))) for you both.
I have been reading your blog since my days on FF and I hope you'll continue to blog.
(((hugs))) and stay strong sweetie!
I really just can't believe it. You have been through way more than your share, and it's time for you and your Boxer to start having some good luck without people pulling you down. (I agree with the comment that your readers are attached to you, even if there are gaps between posts.)
Sending hugs, but sadly knowing that doesn't take away the suck.
D,
I am so sorry.
You are one tough lady and will get through this. You and Boxer will be just fine without SB. Some day, when it doesn't hurt so much, you'll be amazed how lite you feel without him. Take care.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!! I can't believe it!!! HOW in heaven's name did you figure out all those specifics anyway??? Did he actually TELL you all that to your face or did you find something else that told you those details?
You are amazingly strong, but did he really have to test your strength this way????? Give a girl a BREAK, F.F.S.!!!!!
I'm with the rest here -- still reading faithfully when the times come for you to post. I understand the gaps. :)
OMFG!!!
Okay, I dont think I've ever taken this stance before but get a good lawyer and take him for anything and everything he is currently worth and could be worth in the future (there are many more than willing to work for free if there is a settlement)
OMG...I'm just so sorry. I'm totally in shock and can't even begin to wrap my head around his behaviour.
Hugs
Lynne
Here via the Lost and Found.
I'm so sorry.
Thinking of you.
Am so sorry! He doesn't deserve either of you, and I hope you threw a lot of kitchen utensils at his head as you were kicking his ass out the door!!
Hang in there, you will get through, and he will regret this one day!
Oh Dee. I kind of know where you're coming from, just a little bit. Some people have outrageously lousy (and in this case, marriage-ending) coping mechanisms. My own DH responded to the death of our triplets in 08 by embarking in an online affair. I found out about it when I borrowed his laptop to respond to an e-mail one night shortly after I came home from the hospital. It was AWFUL. I still remember that dark, dark place and I'm VERY sorry that you have cause to go there yourself. It's a miserable, fucked up feeling to be betrayed by the person you trust the most at the moment you most need them.
In our case counseling and some major soul-searching have taken place (not to mention the birth of our son), and I think we're okay. It might make a difference that the affairs DH embarked on took place in his head/on the computer and not in some else's vagina. (I don't know--does that make a difference, or is infidelity infidelity?)
Anyway, the emotional betrayal just when you think you can't feel any worse is something I understand, and I'm so, SO sorry.
I'd love to stay in touch, via your blog once it goes private or via e-mail or whatever. I haven't been on FF in about a million years, but if you can send me an invite I'll try to keep up with the new blog once you open it up.
I'll email my address.
I'm sending all kinds of healing and powerful, strong woman vibes in your direction. Surely life can only look up from here!!!
Hugs to your amazing Boxer girl.
xxoo
Oh Donna.
I'm just so sorry.
I knew there must be a good reason why you and Boxer are in my prayers every night, when I don't know you - only knew you through FF which I don't even go to any more.
I will keep praying. It's all I can do from so far away. Praying that things improve. Girl, they HAVE to.
Sending hugs from Australia,
Rosey x
Reading this just breaks my heart for you. What a complete and total JERK! (that doesn't even begin to cover it, but I'm not going to type out all the horrible names I could call him). I've BTDT with the pathological liar and cheating jerk. I know how much it hurts and I didn't have a kid with the guy so that didn't make it nearly as complicated. Hugs to you. Wish I could make the hurt go away. But you and little Boxer girl are so strong, you have fought through so much and you can get through this too!
Oh, Donna...
I haven't read your blog in a while, and was blown away by this post. Everything you and Boxer have gone through in your lives has made you stronger - and that strength will see you through this.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. UGH. I don't even know what to say. He'd better never run into any of your blog followers, as he'd go away from that meeting short a few body parts.
Many hugs, thoughts and prayers!!
Nancy
Oh no!! It breaks my heart for you to read this!!! There are just no words...
D - I am so very sorry. After all you have been through, words fail. Many hugs to you and Daniella -- you are both really strong people and will weather this too. You're both in my thoughts.
Ellen
Oh, holy shit! I'm so very very sorry :/.
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